My entire life I have been obsessed with one day having the most beautiful love story of all time. I believe in fairy tales and I wanted a fairy tale of my very own. BUT I didnt want my fairy tale to be like anyone else’s. I wanted something extroidinary, something that everyone would goo and gaa over. Something that would make people believe in love and that they too can have a beautiful fairy tale of their own. “Fairy tales do not come true” is what I would always hear from others when I would express this desire with them.
I think maybe because this desire was so so strong that when it came time for my love story to “begin” I was obsessed. I wanted it to be perfect so it was all I thought about. I poured my heart and soul into this relationship. Naturally, when the man who I believed to be my savior, prince charming indeed, did not do or say what I wanted I was beyond dissappointed. I had such an idea in my head of how I wanted our relationship to be that anything else was just unacceptable. This made me become even more obsessed. This made me want to keep trying for perfect. I found myself giving myslef pep talks, It is ok that he ignores you, there will be a day when all he wants to do is talk to you and see how your day is going. It is ok that he is treating you this way, this is how it is supposed to be, bad, so that one day I can enjoy the good. This man used me. He used the fact that I had no idea how a relationship was supposed to work, to trick me into thinking that our relationship was the best thing that has ever happend to me. Little did he know, on the inside I felt like I was missing out on the greatest love story of all. However, through our whole relationship I continued to trust that what we had was special because one day it would be exactly what I wanted.
Things were getting worse not better. He was treating me worse, not better. I was getting more and more depressed with the whole thing but was unable to do anything about it. I was trapped in a relationship with a man that was not real to me. This man was a dream of something I wanted so badly. He was my hope of one day having the best love story ever written. In reality, he was destroying me, bringing me down, using me, not loving me one bit. Why was I always going back to him…simply because of my desire for love.
Something all of a sudden in the midst of eyerything, happened to me. God was tugging at my heart. I started hearing, dont you remember that I love you, Diane? Dont you know that I am the only one you need? Dont you know that I can help you get out of the trap you are in? Turn to me, I am here for you! Come back to me precious daughter. These thoughts God ever so lightly put in my heart, were simply life saving.
After too many nights of tears and heartbreak, I cried out to God. “I cannot do this on my own. I know I never want to go back to him ever again, but I always do. I know this is not the right relationship for me, so please help me get out of it, I am giving you control. I cannot do this. Lord, do this for me.” He did it all. The Lord healed me. He dried my tears, and gave me his strength to carry on and never look back. He led me to a counselor for help. My goal in therapy was to fix my relationship with God because I felt so far away from him. He put angels into my life to help me and support me. He gave me the courage to tell my family so they could pray for me. He stopped me from calling him back when I received a phone call from him one late night. He kept me safe from him, by providing me with a new home and job. He held me in his arms when I needed someone to hold me. He gave me moments in my life where all I could do was stand still in AWE of his goodness and love. He fixed my broken heart. All of these things he did for me is how I know he loves me. Reading all of His truths of who I am in His word is how I know he loves me. This is what love is. This is the only love I ever need. His love in my life is my beauty from ashes!
Several months ago, I was praying to God and I asked him to give me the best love story ever NOW, because he brought me out of such a horror story I just knew that waiting for me now was the most beautiful love story ever. I trust my God completely so surely he would provide this for me. I deserved this. I HAD IT ALL WRONG!
Today, the Lord opened my eyes. Today I realized that I already have the most beautiful, unique, inspiring, amazing, extroidinary love story of all time. What am I doing wasting my life waiting for something that has already happend to me? My love story is the one that has been written by my ONE and only true love ever, Jesus Christ. Different is what I hoped for and different is what I got! I am not looking for someone to begin my love story with. I trust that there will be someone to share my story with. God has started it and what is yet to come can only add more beauty. I know now that I do not need anyone to complete my story, God will finish my story one day. I look forward to a man that will add more beauty and love to my story, but it is not something I need, it is something I hope for, but not something I obsess over. I am so thankful for my story, I finally realize my fairy tale has come true, thank you Jesus!