This life I hate, My God I love

For the past couple weeks I have really been struggling.  I feel confused, torn, separated from God, distant from God, I question everything, doubt has consumed me, and I started to feel like I do not even know how to trust God and have no idea where I am going in this journey called LIFE.  These feelings I HATE.  I know who God is and I know what HE has done in my life.  He has taken all of these feelings and replaced them with the sweetest song my heart has ever known, Jesus’ love for me!  It is normal to struggle, it is normal to have problems.  It is ok to be upset.  But, it is not ok to let my problems consume my life…EVER.  When we let our problems win, we are forgetting that GOD has already won over all of them!  Why was I not letting go of my problems, realizing that I am free and I do not need to be burdened with evil in my life.  Despite the struggles, one thing I really have noticed is that reading the Bible is the one thing that I have really held onto in this time.  I am still praying constantly and reading my Bible more than ever!

An amazingly encouraging and supportive woman who is pretting much my second mother asked me how I was doing tonight and I could not help but express to her about my struggles in the last couple weeks.  She asked me plain and simple, are you reading your Bible?  Of course, I am clinging onto God’s word, even if it doesn’t make sense some times.  Later I realized, why exactly I am going through these struggles.  God is working, he is not distant, He is right in the middle of all of the action.

Let me back up a bit.  Reading the Bible is always something I kind of never made time for.  I tried to start a reading plan on January 1st and it only lasted until about the 5th.  There was always something else going on.  I always put it off for the end of the day but by the time the end of the day rolled around I was just too tired to read the Bible.  I found myself reading the Bible only when my devotions asked for it.  I KNOW how important reading the Bible is.  This is how God communicates with us.  I actually prayed to God asking Him to help me make time to read the Bible and asked Him to help me to read the Bible more often.  WELL, HE ANSWERED THAT PRAYER.  He distracted my mind so much from the world, that I had no choice but to beg for his understanding and clarity in my life.  This led me to the Bible.  I wanted so badly to hear from God, that I dug into the Bible.  Reading it more and more and more.  The more I read, the more I wanted to read.  Not just because I wanted to hear God speak to me, but because I need those words in my life so desperately.  I have made the Bible such a part of my day for the past couple of weeks.  Then it hit me tonight.  If I weren’t struggling, I wouldn’t be reading the Bible.  God spoke to me.  He simply told me, Ask and you shall Receive Diane.  You wanted me to help you and I did.  It may not have been the way I wanted Him to, but He got my attention.  In every circumstance we are in, God is with us.  Good, bad, ugly, pretty, He is the creator of it all.  We have the choice to let Him in or to leave Him behind.  You are in a struggling, hard time for a very special reason.  God uses EVERYTHING even our disobedient times for GOOD and for HIS GLORY!  Don’t let a moment pass that you are not seeking God and letting Him work through your fragile life.  I was beginning to get really frustrated with my past couple of weeks, BUT those frustrating feelings have now shifted into thankfulness to our Faithful Lord!  I am so glad that He has used this time for us to grow even closer together.  I am so glad that I saw GOD in the midst of this struggling time.


2 thoughts on “This life I hate, My God I love

  1. WOW. This brought tears to my eyes. And made my heart hurt to be away from you. Oh Diane, wow I miss you so much sister. And I love you. And am SO convicted and encouraged by this. I love you!!! OH I love you!!!

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