I will never forget the day twoish some years ago, when my dear sister told me to listen to Beautiful by MercyMe. She said it reminded her of me. When I read that text message from her I started crying, thinking: if this song is about beauty how could it possibly remind her of me? I felt so ugly from the inside, out. I went home that night, sat in my daddy’s chair and listened to Beautiful, by MercyMe. I cried. I repeated the song a couple of times, crying more and more each time I played it. I remember thinking, I wish I was beautiful. I wish God loved me. I wish I hadn’t made such a mess of my life. I wish I believed the words in this song. I had such a shimmer of hope that these words were true, that I surely was beautiful. As my thoughts went wild with lies I was always told, it was harder and harder to believe that those words would ever come true for me.
At that time in my life, my mind was consumed with lies. Lies people who I believed to have loved me were telling me about who I was on a daily basis. You would not believe how easy it is to believe something someone says about you. It is quite frightening actually. Just because this person was a man, and I loved him, he had some sort of power over me, could that really be it? Or was it that I had not yet learned about who I am IN CHRIST, so I went along with what he told me I was, because at that time in my life, I had made him my “God”. This person told me I was ugly, he told me I was lucky to have him in my life because no one else would be able to put up with me, he told me I was worthless, he told me I was stupid, he told me I was crazy, he called me awful names, he told me I had to forgive him and love him and keep being with him (despite his constant abuse), because that is what God wants, he told me I will never find another man who will ever want to be with me, he betrayed me, he put me through a living hell. It was constant. I did feel crazy, I felt all of the things he told me I was. Little did I know, HE WAS THE ONE THING MAKING ME FEEL THAT WAY. The instant I got rid of the evil that he truly was, I didn’t feel those things anymore.
For awhile after I decided to completely leave him, I felt numb. The lies were still there, I had not gotten rid of them yet, but I was too weak to do anything. I was so sick and tired of believing the lies, that I just started to adapt to them in a way. They became my truth. I kept hearing the song, Beautiful in the back of my head. I was reminded of those words that seemed too good to be true.
God lead me to a therapist, and she gave me something that just completely boggled my mind. She gave me a list of TRUTHS about who we are in Christ. I was confused by this list at first. All of my “truths” that were really lies, were on that list. Then I saw it, I am Beautiful (I instantly thought of the sweet words in the song). Every single sentence of who we are in Christ had a Bible verse to go with it. My therapist wanted me to write down the truth and make a personal application to each one. What I wrote for I am Beautiful is my favorite:)
I am Beautiful
Psalm 149:4 For the Lord takes delight in his people; He crowns the humble with salvation.
The only opinion that matters is God’s opinion. God is the most beautiful creature in ALL THE WORLD. I am of God, therefore I am beautiful. My beauty starts from within, I am wearing the crown of salvation, nothing more beautiful than that! Just remember I am beautiful because of God. I got rid of all of my ugly (hindering parts). God made me EXACTLY how he wanted to. God only makes beautiful things that are pleasing to him, That is what I am. I never need to believe such lies EVER again! Thank you Jesus.
I now believe EVERY SINGLE WORD in the song, Beautiful. I now know who I am in Christ. I am BEAUTIFUL, loved, cherished, strong, chosen, free, assured of reward, worthFULL (is that a word, if not I just invented one), forgiven, healed, protected, safe, the apple of God’s eye, and I BELONG TO HIM.
Now when I hear Beautiful I do cry sometimes, but happy tears. Tears that I cannot control because I am beyond thankful for the ability God gave me to believe every single word of truth in that song!I never thought the day would come. I will always remember the day I told my sister I believe I am beautiful! I am beyond thankful to the Lord for teaching me who I am in Christ. When you are confident in the Lord, nothing else really matters. When you know who you are to the Lord and not to the world, you have the freedom to love and be loved my your beautiful Savior, Jesus Christ!