I realized something about myself. I hold onto things way too tightly. I want control over things. If I am holding onto it then it will go where I want it to go. You may think that is a good thing. Really, it’s not. If I do that then I am missing out on something better: where God wants ME to go.
I know exactly the things I hold onto with a tight grip. Everything that has once caused me pain. I do not want to feel that pain ever again. In order to somehow protect me from that pain I decide to never give up these areas in my life. If I control them, there will be no pain, right? Wrong!! Very wrong! The more I hold onto the things that once brought me pain the longer I am keeping myself from receiving GOD’S glorious blessings in these areas of my life.
Men. This is the area I hold onto the tightest. I have been so incredibly hurt by men. My heart cannot take another break. I think that if I control what men I let into my life (which right now is none) then I can be certain they will not hurt me. My relationships with men are awful. I don’t like to talk to them, be with them. I am so terribly awkward around them. I have no guy friends. The thought of having a guy more than friend relationship seems nearly impossible. The slightest chance that it will happen i completely ruin by forcing it to go somewhere it was never intended to be. It is all my fault.
Family. Another thing I hold onto way too tightly. I love my family more than you can imagine. My heart breaks when I think about my two brothers who turned from the Lord and do not call Him their Savior. I think somehow I can fix this deadly problem. I think there is something I’m not doing right. That’s the problem, I cannot change anyone. God does the changing. I need to give up so God can give them so desperately what they need.
Worry. I think I choose to worry. My life would be so boring if I did not have to worry about everything. But that’s the point I do not need to worry about anything. And life wouldn’t be boring, it would be better spent with God!
God. He is what I should be holding into with all my strength and all my might. He has never and will never hurt me nor will He ever cause me pain. By holding onto these earthly things aren’t I pretty much saying I do not trust God. I am. I claim to trust God with my whole heart, but if I am holding on so tightly to these things that is not trust. By keeping a tight grip doesn’t that mean I’m saying you can’t have these God, you cant fix these, these are my burdens to carry?
It’s exactly what I’m doing. I must give up control and let God in. I must do what I say. I must live what I believe. When I choose to hold onto God and nothing else, everything else falls into place. Haven’t I figured that out yet? Lord, please help me to let go of everything I try to do/fix on my own. Please help me to truly trust you with my whole heart and leave everything else in your hands, that is the safest and best place for them to be. Only then can I truly be in your embrace, which is the safest and best place for me!