There are so many times that I have such a huge, strong, never ending desire to have a Godly man in my life. Not just a man that passes me by or says Hi once a day or someone I may see at the gorcery store or bookstore. I want a Godly man who is APART of my life. I want someone who loves me, cares for me, laughs with me, eats my semi-edible meals with me, drives my car through the car wash for me (because I just so happen to be scared of car washes), dances with me, dries my tears when I am sad, comforts me when I am upset, suprises me with my favorite flowers, checks in on me throughout the day- just because he is thinking about me and wants ME to be apart of his day just as much as I want him to be apart of my day, and most importantly someone who I can share my relationship with Jesus Christ with: my beautiful story of a Mighty Savior and a lost little girl.
I desire so much to be married and have a family. There is almost a battle daily for this man. One where I tell myself I need a man for these things and one where God tells me, I am right here, and all you EVER need. I believe God’s words really I do, however there is this part of me that thinks my idea of a man in my life is way better than the plan God has for me. I fight for this man. Defending him to God. When I am craving sushi I think, see this is why I need a man, so I do not need to go eat sushi alone. You are not eating alone Diane, I am always with you. When I am having a bad day and just want to vent to someone about the crazy lady that totally ruined my good mood I think, see this is why I need a man so I have someone I can talk to who will listen to me and understand. You have me to talk to, I listen, and I even know what you are feeling and saying before you know. I will be doing ok for awhile, but then I get invited by my friend and her boyfriend to go to dinner or a movie or golfing or…the list goes on and on, surly now this is really why I need a man, so I do not have to be the third wheel. I am all you really need, I promise you I will never leave you. Then I think I need a relationship so I can pray for someone and someone can pray for me, a relationship where we are constantly building eachother up, getting closer and closer to God. Pray for all of the hurting people in the world, they need your prayers, my spirit prays for you. Spend more time alone with me and we will be closer than you can ever imagine.
Every single time I think to myself, I have finally found a reason for needing a husband, God shows me a reason why I only need HIM in this life. I do trust completely that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart. I do pray that He leads me in the plan He has for me. I do pray for my future husband. I do get excited to think about the day our paths cross. I try not to lose sight of the One that will bring us together. I cannot lose sight of Him, and I never want to. I never want to be distracted with thoughts of my future husband over thoughts of the One who saved me and gave me abundant life.
All I can do is wait patiently for the man that God has chosen for me. I remind myself that even if I do not get married and have my happy ever after on this Earth, when I get to Heaven I will have my happy “never” ending with the lover of my soul, my Almighty Lord and Savior. How glorious will that day be. My heart desires for that day alone. I cannot wait. I get excited just writing about it. Words cannot express how special that day will be. There is no need to fight for my husband, God has done the fighting for me, and I will enjoy victory in Heaven one day. All I will fight for is God alone. Thank you Jesus for being all I need forever and ever. You are one of a kind amazing and there will never be a husband to fill the place you have made in my heart and life. I love you forever!