I have had people ask me this question several times. I always feel super awkward when asked this question because for once in my life I am simply speechless. That rarely happens to me. Usually I am wishing at times I truly am speechless, I use my voice probably way too frequently. So when people catch me speechless, it is very shocking for me, and a feeling I am not too fond of. My father would even dare to say it is impossible to catch Diane speechless…he has clearly never been around when someone has asked me where my halo was.
I think the main reason why this question bothers me so much is the way in which I rationalize it in my head. So, this person asks me what I do in my free time, what I enjoy to do and when I tell them, they so clearly judge me by taking my actions and activities so incompletely serious, by sarcastically making fun of what I do. Or maybe the true reason for detesting this question, is because I do not see myself as an angel by any means. If they only knew who I used to be, what I used to do. They would certainly not think I had a halo then.
But then I think of what God thinks of me, which is truly the only opinion that matters. Does God think I am wearing a halo? I happen to think he does. I happen to know for a FACT that I am crowned with salvation, yes that salvation is in my heart, but God tells me I am crowned with it, making me instantly think of a halo of some sorts. Also, God tells me that I am ABSOLUTELY NOT DEFINED BY MY PAST, WHAT I MAY HAVE DONE, OR WHO I MAY HAVE BEEN. I know for a fact that God has made me new, I am a new creature, and one that just so happens to be wearing a halo:).
Just recently I read on a Christian’s blog, that she was a saint. Seeing that, it made think of the question, where is your halo, because both times I have been asked this, I have also been told you are such a saint. Making it seem like a negative thing of some sorts. Once again, I thought to myself, saint, no way not me!
Saints: those declared righteous by God.
I am declared righteous by God, I am His, the same day I chose to live my life for Christ and chose to accept His love into my life, that is the same day God declared me righteous. And it just so happened to be the same day I got a halo and became a saint.
It is a very true statement that I am extremely sensitive, extremely people pleasing, extremely hurt by things people say and assume of me. HOWEVER, it is an even more true statement, that I do in fact wear a halo of the Lord’s salvation over my head, that I am indeed a saint because of what God has so graciously done for me.
Because my God is gracious, I too am gracious to all of those who see my good deed doing, praying all the time, Bible reading obsession, and Christ-like desire as a “joke”. The reason why I do what I do, is because I am beyond thankful for what God has done for me, there is no way to repay Him, but I constantly am asking Him what HE wants me to do, and I respond by doing them, it is my way of showing my love to God, the love I tell Him I have for Him every day. Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?
I have decided: the next time someone asks me where my halo is, I am going to confidently respond by saying, “On my head, in my heart and in my right hand, do you want it?” My halo is for sharing. It is not something I wear so people can say ohhh look at that girl Diane, wearing that halo of hers. I want people to know that the halo on my head is not mine, it was given to me by God. I want them to see God. I want them to see an imperfect me loved by a perfect God. I do not want to pretend I do not have a halo, I want others to see it and ask about it that way they too can accept God’s love, receive their crown, and become a saint to the most amazing halo wearing, life saving, holy and perfect power in all the universe, JESUS CHRIST!