I have been struggling lately. It is hard to categorize what I have been going through for some time now as a struggle. It seems so minor from the struggle I was faced with years ago. Since that time in my life, the struggles I go through do not even come close to comparing to the one that tried to destroy my life. But with that said, the little ones are almost more dangerous than the big ones. The little ones sneak up out of nowhere–hoping not to be found. Then you pray that short prayer, “Lord, give me your eyes to see what is keeping me from you”. The Lord never fails, He gives you His eyes, and you can see so clearly what your little burdens are and the HUGE negative impact they are having on your peaceful life with God.
I am one of those crazy people that are beyond blessed and thankful for every struggle I go through. I have faith and trust that when a struggle comes, God is right there with me, ready to comfort me and take on that struggle with me!
Now that I know where my struggles are and just what they look like, (Thank you Jesus for your eyes) it is time to do something about them. I know why I am struggling. I know what I need to do. But, I am not doing it. Has that ever happened to you? You know exactly what God is asking of you, but you would rather live a mundane life than to really STAND UP, LET GO, AND LET GOD IN TO HELP YOU LIVE OUT THAT ABUNDANT LIFE HE DIED FOR YOU AND I TO HAVE. Ugh, just watching those words go across the screen right then, is making me want to slap myself in the face until I get out of whatever kind of blur I am in right now.
I know I need God more than ever. I know I need to be spending time alone with Him EVERY DAY in prayer and in the Bible. I know I need His help to show me exactly where he wants my messed up self in this messed up world. I know that He is calling me to something amazing…but I have no idea what it is. I know that in order to hear from Him, I need to get rid of everything that is distracting me in my relationship with Him and I really really really need to just be quiet and listen for that still small voice.
Why am I not doing this? Honestly, I do not know. I could blame it on Satan, I could blame it on the fact that we are not perfect, but I am not one for the blame game. I have to give myself, my entire heart, a true look in the mirror, what do I see? Right now, I see a girl who is trying so HARD to make sure that God is most important, I see a girl who breaks for the hurting in the world, I see a girl who has SUCH a strong desire to somehow get everyone in the universe to come to know God as their personal Savior, for THEM, not for me or anyone else. Then there is the desire to be married, to have a man who knows my messed up story, and loves me still. Then the huge desires to write a book, share my testimony, be involved in every single volunteer opportunity my schedule will allow for.
These are all great desires, given to me by God alone—get this, BECAUSE OF STRUGGLES THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. BUT how do I know what to do with these desires. That is the struggle that is presenting itself into my life right now. I know what I want, but I want what God wants. I am complaining about not knowing or being able to hear from God, but it is all my fault, no one elses. The blame falls solely on me. When I decide to watch my favorite TV show (which just so happens to be Real Housewives of ANY STATE/CITY/COUNTY), when I choose to spend time with friends at dinner, when I get caught up in conversations with people, INSTEAD of turning my full attention to God for guidance: that is a problem. There is nothing wrong with the things listed, except for the fact that I am choosing them over God. I am not using my time wisely.
Today at church, God spoke right to my heart through one part of the sermon. When our pastor said, “Think about the consequences before you decide what you are going to choose”. That HIT ME! If what you choose to do causes consequences like giving up your time with the Lord that day-THEN IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE ENOUGH—DO NOT DO IT! If what you choose to do causes BLESSINGS on you, others, or GOD-THEN THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING!
That really helped me and changed my perspective on something. All of the little struggles, the decisions I have to make sometimes on a moment to moment basis, should always be looked at as, are their consequences to one choice and blessing to another? If so, the blessings should always win. I cannot think, I have time for God after dinner, or after I turn off the TV: NO, I have time for God now, and I will choose blessings.
I am going to really need the Spirit’s help in choosing wisely. I know He will help me, I am excited to spend more and more time with God, knowing that blessings will follow.
I pray something I said, God uses to bless YOU!