When I was in therapy I held onto a scripture, tightly.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20
I trusted with my whole heart that everything that Satan used to try to harm me and destroy me, God could use for good. Even if I did not see or understand the good, I had faith, I put my trust in God.
This was one of the hardest things to come to terms with…because I had no control over the “good” that would happen, I only had control over my relationship with Jesus. This process of trusting God brought me extremely close to Him. As tough as it was, looking back these moments of trusting God blindly have been my favorite moments we spend together.
Slowly but surely God’s promises proved to be true over and over again. God was bringing GOOD from my past harm. He was using everything that was intended to destroy me and He was turning it all around for His goodness and glory! I would sit back and be in awe of God and how faithful He is.
I remember the day He put the nudging on my heart for India. I was sick to my stomach. I tried so hard to convince myself that nudging was not from God. I was fearful of that nudging.
My thoughts were consumed with lies…
I cannot serve You in India, I am a nobody, no good “Christian girl”
What do I have to offer to anyone, especially someone in India?
I cannot go to India, what will others think of me for going to India?
The thoughts went on and on.
Then one day I decided to pull out my helmet and remember the TRUTH of what God was trying to tell me.
I have been preparing you for this moment Diane, to share ME with the hurting souls in India.
All of the yuck you went through can be used to help others…in India.
You are right, you are no good on your own, but with ME flourishing in your life, you are complete, useful, loved, and guided to exactly where I want you to be. I will continually give you MY STRENGTH AND MY QUALITIES to accomplish exactly what it is I want you to accomplish….the saving of many and many lost souls.
Do you really care what others think about you?? Those people you are worried about are the ones that need me the most.
After a complete God sign that I surely am supposed to go to India, I am so thankful to God for His patience with my heart! Since that sign, life has been a little out of sorts, but I choose to hold onto God’s sword.
I am blown away because I see that verse I held onto tightly coming to fruition. I love seeing God’s promises reign true in my life. I am so thankful that all of my awful past pain is not wasted. I am thankful for the power my testimony has to bring others to Jesus, after all it brought me to Jesus so I know it can bring others to Jesus too.
I am mostly excited about India because this trip is all Jesus. I am nowhere to be found.
I anticipated my “good” to come out of the horror story I went through to be a love story with the man God has handpicked just for me. God is showing me where my true love story is with Him, and the chapter to India is the “good” He has been anticipating for me all along. I am praying so many we meet in India will meet Jesus through us, and are able to find their GOD “goods”.
Final thoughts: “People” learn about my past and explain how deeply sorry they are that I had to go through such an awful time. My response is always the same: “I would go through every single detail of my past all over again if it had the same outcome every time; a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.” I know first hand why we are to consider trials of all kinds to be pure joy, because in every trial is the opportunity to grow closer to Jesus. All we have to do is trust in His Word, and hold tight to each one of His promises.
Thank you for your goodness. Thank you that we are able to experience your joy in the midst of trials. Thank you that we are able to grow closer to You always. I thank you for this opportunity to go to India. Thank you for the good you have brought out of my past. I am excited to help others find the good you have planned for them, even if it is out of the worst experiences we could ever imagine. Thank you for your never ending promises. I love you so incredibly much!