Live for the Unobvious.

motivation: n. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.

intention: n. a determination to act in a certain way.

These words have been heavy on my heart lately.  I found myself reading something I wrote almost a year ago.  I could honestly feel my heart smiling greater and greater as each word was passing me by.  The reason for the smiles was that ALL of the words on those pages written back then were confirming the thoughts I had been having these past couple of months about what God is laying on my heart to do.  And then, all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere I saw, boldly written, on the page….THIS IS THE OBVIOUS, DESIRE THE UNOBVIOUS IN LIFE, NOT THE OBVIOUS.  Would my motivation behind writing those words confirm what I have been feeling all along?  Would my intentions prove to be enough to hold onto the glimmer of hope that these words were supporting what God is truly laying on my heart?

obvious: adj. easily discovered, seen, or understood.

As I obsess over the definition of obvious, I think I was a little off a year ago.  You see the things I was passionately writing about were surely not obvious.  The words on those pages were not easily discovered.  I had to take off my worldly glasses to find these words.  I had to dive so deep into God’s Word to understand what I was writing that sometimes I would find myself waking up with my face in my Bible (thank goodness I do not drool when I sleep).

No, these words God so perfectly laid on my heart were not obvious.  Truly it took twenty-five years and counting for them to “appear before me”.

I believe with all of my heart that we were created for more than something easily discovered.  I believe though that what matters is our motivation to be who we were created to be, and with that, our intentions too.  God wants our intentions to be pure; He wants Himself to be the ONLY thing behind our motivation for doing anything at all.

This is so important for me to remember.  It is not about what I do–obvious or not.  It is all about making sure my intentions and motivation is lined up with God’s truth.  It is about intentionally getting out of the way so that God can work through me.  For then, only, will God’s love be easily discovered, seen, and understood to every single person He places across my path who need Him most.

Acts 1:8

I Surrender All

I thought writing about India would be easy, easy for me.  I thought words would come pouring out onto paper and my pen just wouldn’t be able to keep up!  Four months after India and still trying to find the words to write proves these thoughts are far from true.

In India, I was nowhere to be found.  That trip was truly all Jesus.  He had to do it all for me.  This was the best part about my journey to India: The journey was His and my purpose was to surrender all of me each step of the way. 

I surrendered my fear as I stepped onto the plane headed for Mumbai.  I held onto God’s promise found in 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  With God’s perfect love exploding from my heart, there was no room for fear to stand.  I had to hold onto this verse throughout the journey.

I surrendered my comfort as I stepped into my home away from home for the next couple weeks.  My comfort is nothing by the way.  Why do I so often think that I can do a better job than God at providing all of my needs?  I was uncertain as we arrived in India how asking God to comfort me would truly comfort me.  I was certain of His amazing comfort as soon as I opened up my “welcome card” placed in our room that housed one of my favorite verses:  John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  This verse was introduced to me by my sweet sister it is her life verse as she likes to call it!  Seeing this verse reminded me of her and reminded me that God will always comfort me in every uncomfortable place I find myself throughout this journey.

I surrendered my words as I stepped into a room filled with sixty princesses of the Most High King.  I had a talk to give to these girls all about the Armor of God and all about God’s truth.  I decided to prepare a “safe” part of my testimony to share with the girls as well.  That day I stood in front of such precious princesses and my safe testimony was nowhere to be found.  Truly, God took over my words.  I do not remember what was spoken.  All I remember is looking deeply into the hearts of these “broken” girls and seeing Jesus’ healing touch inside of each one!  These “broken” girls became His beautiful creations right in front of my eyes!  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life.  God was transforming the pain I had endured for so long into a beautiful remedy for bringing these girls to Jesus’ feet.  Pretty soon, we were all pouring out our hearts to God, letting Him in to fill all of the breaks, pains, torments, and memories.  The best part of our hearts are the scars, for in these scars is where we feel, see, and know God’s infinite love for us!

I learned all about true surrender when I sat next to Princess One as I will call her.  After God’s talk through me, Princess One told me she needed to talk to me.  She so sweetly explained to me through a shaken voice that she has never shared what has happened with her to anyone but because I shared my testimony, she wanted to tell me everything.  I sat there with my hand in hers, as tears rolled down both of our cheeks, and I listened while she explained the tormented past she has endured.  I smiled as she shared the hope she has found in Jesus through miracles He alone has done in her life.  I rejoiced with all of Heaven as this sweet princess surrendered her life to Christ and rededicated her life to our Lord and Savior!  I felt my heart jump with joy as she excitedly told me she hopes that when she is my age she will get to share her testimony with others, just like I have.  All I could do was smile and say, “And I hope I am there when you do.”

You never know what surrendering your life to Christ will look like, but I can assure you His blessings will be far better than anything you can ever imagine!

Sweet October

I remember the pain of October’s past.

My shrill voice echoes the room.

“Everyone I love said Happy Birthday to me except you”

Tears flooded my sight.

Get me to bed fast so I can sleep away the pain.

If only sleep took away the memories.

I remember the pain of October’s past.

You spot me out of the crowd, but do you even see me?

Our eyes meet but it is as if we are strangers.

The closer we get, the more numb I become.

Wounds were formed on my birthday, without you ever being present.

I remember the pain of October’s past.

My heart is missing a huge chunk.

Where are you?

Trying to be strong, but feeling so weak.

I remember the pain of October’s past.

Could this October be different?

Surrendering the pain.

Giving You the dirt.

Could a flower possibly grow from this soiled soil?

I remembered the pain of October’s past.

Feeling Your freedom, for surely I am free.

Trusting Your wounded hands with my weary soul.

Watching You turn my dirt into Your masterpiece.

Transforming me.  Loving me.  Forgiving me.

Our sweet memories of this October and the ones to come are washing away the horrors of October’s past.

Seeing your beauty in every spot of dirt from October’s past!

This is a Sweet October, thank You for all You do!