Meet You at Midnight:)

No matter what age I am, I will always go through those moments in life when I find myself thinking: I really need my mommy.  When I was younger I needed her the most when I was sick she is the best sick cuddler.  I needed her when my wardrobe needed some sprucing, she always gives the best fashion advice!  Recently however, I have found that I need my mom most at midnight on Friday nights!  Lucky for me, my mom has been awake these past couple of Friday’s but I know that even if she wasn’t awake she would wake up for me…It’s true I have the best mom ever!

This Friday was the worst.  I was in the midst of a complete break down and to my surprise my mom was there through the typing of our keyboards to offer me the invitation to feeling God’s peace and comfort in the midst of my over-booked, over-crazy, over-stuffed, out-of-control, upcoming weekend.

The best thing about our conversation on Friday night was that my mom not only let me vent and get everything out, but she listened, and she brought the conversation to God.  She knew what I needed, and that was a solid moment spent with God, asking Him to keep me a float this weekend so I would not sink in the mess I had made of my weekend.  She shared with me the best advice my heart truly needed that night.  There was one thing that really stuck out: “I will be praying you through the weekend, when you wake up in the morning lay in bed quietly thanking God for several things and asking Him to guide and bless your day.”  I took that to heart.  Saturday morning, the start of my crazy not so looking forward to day was all made better because I for once listened to my mother and prayed to God, inviting Him to do this day for me, because I needed Him, I asked for Him to really be with me and get me through this whole weekend!  I just kept repeating this over and over again at any opportunity I was able to.

Can I tell you, I am the happiest girl in the world today, it is the last day of my crazy weekend and because of God, He truly carried me through.  He amazed me with His love and faithfulness.  He turned my crazy weekend into such a blessing.  I found myself having several worship concerts for God in the shower…in my car this morning, because I am just so thankful to God that He hears our prayers and helps us always, even if we mess things up-He is there!  I trust that when my life seems out of control (99.9 percent of the time) that God has everything all under control.

It is incredible to sit back and reflect on the ways God truly turned what I thought my weekend would be like upside down into WHAT HE WANTED MY WEEKEND TO BE LIKE.

I thought I was going to have to throw my keyboard out of the window because just the letters keys were not working for the one thing I needed to print.  God helped me fix the problem by restarting my computer.

I thought I was going to sleep this weekend away because of being so exhausted and miss hearing my alarm each morning.  That was not the case, truly because of God I not only woke up on time, but started my day with Him in prayer and one on one praise concerts:)

I thought the parts of the Calendar Party I was going to and would be involved in would be a flop because I did not feel prepared and a lot of things were going wrong.  God made sure that HIS event went flawlessly!  It was such a wonderful opportunity to meet other women, catch up with amazing friends, and to meet someone who I never thought I would see again.  There was a lady whom I had always considered an angel in my life for the times she reached out to me when I needed someone the most.  I think the most words we exchanged were a few hello’s and how are you’s, but she did not know the impact her hello’s had on my heart.  I always wondered if I would see her again, and just so happens on Saturday, I did!

I thought that I was going to be so incredibly exhausted due to lack of sleep and over committing to certain obligations.  God gave me His strength, and energy!  He helped me get done everything that I needed and I got to spend the evening with my sister who helped me!  Nothing was better than that:)

I thought I would not be able to handle Sunday.  Two things I committed to do were at the same time….last minute, one of them was cancelled!  God knew that was going to happen!

I thought I would barely make it through all of the things I had to do this weekend.  Not only did I make it through (with a smile on my face and in my heart might I add)  But I also, made it through in the hands of my Savior, Helper, and Friend in deed, Jesus Christ!

If you do not have a mother to give you solid biblical advice, a mother to pray you through your crazy days, or weekends in my case, I pray that you have God.  Because, God truly is all we need.  I am beyond thankful to God for my mother for leading me to Him on Friday night, at Midnight!  I am beyond thankful to God for hearing my prayers, being there for me, and carrying me through what I truly believe was the busiest weekend of my life!

I would not choose to have a jam packed weekend again, and thanks to some other advice my mom gave me, and an amazing sermon at church today, (go listen to it www.mygcc.org) God is teaching me how to commit to His commitments for my life and stick with those, no more taking the control from Him and trying to “do it all”.  I am learning to live my life for God and from His acceptance of me, and not worrying what people will think when I say the dreaded word, NO!

There is a song that has become my favorite.  This song instantly brings tears to my eyes.  I have realized for myself that I truly need Jesus every moment of every day.  I cannot do anything without Him by my side, or carrying me!  Take a listen, and thank God for guiding us, loving us, and being there for us when we need Him most.  He knows what those moments will be and He is waiting eagerly for you to let Him in, so He can transform your thoughts into HIS!!  

Praise GOD for blessing us beyond our highest expectations, HE IS HIGHER!!!

Choose Wisely

I have been struggling lately.  It is hard to categorize what I have been going through for some time now as a struggle.  It seems so minor from the struggle I was faced with years ago.  Since that time in my life, the struggles I go through do not even come close to comparing to the one that tried to destroy my life.  But with that said, the little ones are almost more dangerous than the big ones.  The little ones sneak up out of nowhere–hoping not to be found.  Then you pray that short prayer, “Lord, give me your eyes to see what is keeping me from you”.  The Lord never fails, He gives you His eyes, and you can see so clearly what your little burdens are and the HUGE negative impact they are having on your peaceful life with God.

I am one of those crazy people that are beyond blessed and thankful for every struggle I go through.  I have faith and trust that when a struggle comes, God is right there with me, ready to comfort me and take on that struggle with me!

Now that I know where my struggles are and just what they look like, (Thank you Jesus for your eyes) it is time to do something about them.  I know why I am struggling.  I know what I need to do.  But, I am not doing it.  Has that ever happened to you?  You know exactly what God is asking of you, but you would rather live a mundane life than to really STAND UP, LET GO, AND LET GOD IN TO HELP YOU LIVE OUT THAT ABUNDANT LIFE HE DIED FOR YOU AND I TO HAVE.  Ugh, just watching those words go across the screen right then, is making me want to slap myself in the face until I get out of whatever kind of blur I am in right now.

I know I need God more than ever.  I know I need to be spending time alone with Him EVERY DAY in prayer and in the Bible.  I know I need His help to show me exactly where he wants my messed up self in this messed up world.  I know that He is calling me to something amazing…but I have no idea what it is.  I know that in order to hear from Him, I need to get rid of everything that is distracting me in my relationship with Him and I really really really need to just be quiet and listen for that still small voice.

Why am I not doing this?  Honestly, I do not know.  I could blame it on Satan, I could blame it on the fact that we are not perfect, but I am not one for the blame game.  I have to give myself, my entire heart, a true look in the mirror, what do I see?  Right now, I see a girl who is trying so HARD to make sure that God is most important, I see a girl who breaks for the hurting in the world, I see a girl who has SUCH a strong desire to somehow get everyone in the universe to come to know God as their personal Savior, for THEM, not for me or anyone else.  Then there is the desire to be married, to have a man who knows my messed up story, and loves me still.  Then the huge desires to write a book, share my testimony, be involved in every single volunteer opportunity my schedule will allow for.

These are all great desires, given to me by God alone—get this, BECAUSE OF STRUGGLES THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.  BUT how do I know what to do with these desires.  That is the struggle that is presenting itself into my life right now.  I know what I want, but I want what God wants.  I am complaining about not knowing or being able to hear from God, but it is all my fault, no one elses.  The blame falls solely on me.  When I decide to watch my favorite TV show (which just so happens to be Real Housewives of ANY STATE/CITY/COUNTY), when I choose to spend time with friends at dinner, when I get caught up in conversations with people, INSTEAD of turning my full attention to God for guidance: that is a problem.  There is nothing wrong with the things listed, except for the fact that I am choosing them over God.  I am not using my time wisely.

Today at church, God spoke right to my heart through one part of the sermon.  When our pastor said, “Think about the consequences before you decide what you are going to choose”.  That HIT ME!  If what you choose to do causes consequences like giving up your time with the Lord that day-THEN IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE ENOUGH—DO NOT DO IT!  If what you choose to do causes BLESSINGS on you, others, or GOD-THEN THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING!

That really helped me and changed my perspective on something.  All of the little struggles, the decisions I have to make sometimes on a moment to moment basis, should always be looked at as, are their consequences to one choice and blessing to another?  If so, the blessings should always win.  I cannot think, I have time for God after dinner, or after I turn off the TV: NO, I have time for God now, and I will choose blessings.

I am going to really need the Spirit’s help in choosing wisely.  I know He will help me, I am excited to spend more and more time with God, knowing that blessings will follow.

I pray something I said, God uses to bless YOU!

He loves me, He loves me not…He loves me?

I like when people like me.  I detest when people do not like me.  In order to make sure everyone liked me I would conform to what I thought people wanted me to be.  It worked for a while I guess.  Everyone that I cared about, liked me.  There was only one problem with this, I did not like me.  Not only did I not like me, but I also did not love me.

When I was in highschool all of my best friends forever became my best friends for NEVER.  They literally all stopped talking to me at the same time, still to this day I have no idea why.  All I know is they told someone who then told me, that I changed in front of different people.  I never understood that.  All I understood was the pain I felt for being not liked.  I was completely devastated that I not only lost my best friends but that I also was now not liked by so many.  As hard as this time was, I know I had my real best friend, Jesus to help me get through it all.

Looking back I am very thankful for those friends that completely stopped talking to me.  Because now, I understand in a way what they are talking about.

When I was unsure of God’s love for me, I was also unsure of who I was.  I never found myself, until I found God’s love for me.  Because I was not sure of who I was and because I just wanted everyone to love me I became what everyone else wanted me to be, or what I thought they wanted me to be.  I was not being the Diane I was created to be.  I was being the Diane I thought I had to be.

When people find out I am single, they almost always follow my response with, but why are you single?  Up until just recently, I never knew the answer to that question.  In the past year, God has opened my eyes to the answer.  I do not think I have ever been myself around men.  I am too scared, fearful, nervous, and worried with trying to figure out what they want me to be, that I lose sight of who I actually am.  How can a man want to be with someone who is not embracing their identity?  How can a man desire to be with someone who does not know who they are being day in and day out?  My concerns were always, will they love me one day and what do I have to do to make sure they will.  Not anymore!!

I want to live my life for GOD alone.  I want to be doing and acting and saying and loving EXACTLY the way HE wants me to be.  I want to be in HIS will for my life, no one elses.  I do not know how to go back and fix all of the times I was being someone else.  All I know is how to grab onto the LORD for strength.  I know how to trust GOD, to know that HE IS ALL KNOWING, he comforts me tremendously.

I am not certain of anything except for God’s love for me.  He loved me when I was trying to be what others wanted, and he loves me NOW as I embrace being who HE created me to be!  I know God is smiling down at me, and I am smiling back up at Him:)  I know that when I finally fit into being exactly what I was made to be, I will not be fearful of what others think.  I will no longer try to conform to what they want me to be.  Here I am wondering why no man has ever lasted in my life for more than 2 weeks, and now I am so thankful that they havent.  I want my man to find me in God’s will, no one elses.

 

Why Am I SO Lopsided??

Have you ever heard of people leaving their coffee cups on the roof of their car and driving away?  I have seen it first hand.  Things like that always make me smile, and think to myself, how does one do something like that??  Well, I think I have found the answer to that question.  I had my very own “leave your coffee on your car roof and drive away moment” on Sunday although it was not my coffee, and it had nothing to do with the roof of my car.

Stress.  I hate everything this word represents.  I know hate is a strong word, but really I HATE everything this word represents.  Stress is no good for anyone.  Stress is poisonous.  Stress is something I seem to have in my life a lot, just when I get rid of it, something else happens that causes new stress.  Stressed is definitely an accurate word to describe how I have been feeling lately.  Saturday night, all I wanted to do was sleep.  Would you guess I had a stressful day on Saturday?  So much, that I had huge stomach pains all night Saturday.  This is what happens when I am stressed.  So instead of sleeping soundly, I was tossing and turning and getting so irritated that my stomach would not stop hurting.  By the time Sunday morning rolled around, it was time to get ready for church.

You know, something really weird happens when I am stressed…it is like I am unable to function.  I do things that are just strange.  This behavior is probably caused by lack of sleep, food, energy, and God!  So, Sunday morning while running around my apartment like a mad woman for the shoes I wanted to wear, I realized they are not in my house after all, they are in my car.  So I put on a different pair of shoes to walk to my car in, locked my door, and headed to church, praying that the Lord would comfort my weary soul.

I am driving along and am stopped at a red light for a ridiculously long time.  Perfect time to change my shoes!  Now, I only changed the left foot.  Trying to change the shoe that was placed on the foot that was placed on the brake would have been a very dangerous endeavor for me, my shoe, my car, and the poor innocent car in front of me.  By the time I get to church, I am not thinking about anything other than the fact that I am late for church.  I HATE (there is that word again) being late for church.  I get out of my car, start walking (I take about 4-5 steps) and I am thinking to myself, why the heck am I so lopsided?  My goodness, this is so strange!  Then all of a sudden, it hit me.  I FORGOT TO CHANGE MY OTHER SHOE!  I would like to take the time to point out one shoe is a wedge, the other is a flat.  And there it was, my very own leave your coffee on your car roof and drive away moment.  If I would have made it all the way to church (thank goodness I did not) that is exactly what people would have been thinking, with a smile on their face, How in the world did she manage to do that?

I totally get it now.  People have these moments in life, because they are lopsided.  Yes, I literally was lopsided, but we are all lopsided when we focus too much of our energy, time, and life concerned with the stresses and day to day circumstances in this world, and not enough time absorbing God’s truths, love, care, strength, and help.  How lopsided are you?  I am seriously thankful for this silly shoe and for this awful stress because I figured something out on Sunday.  After I changed my shoe to match and had a slight break down, a very dear woman from church helped me realize even with the same shoes on, I was still oh so very lopsided.

I was involved in so much, yes they were all great amazing opportunities I was blessed with to serve God, but it was consuming my time.  Here I was doing, doing, doing, and there was no rest, no more time to spend with God, and no peace.  I never thought trying to satisfy the desires in my heart would lead me further away from God but that is exactly what my overbooked schedule was doing.  God placed those desires in my heart of that I am certain.  Instead of waiting for Him to fulfill each one, I tried to do it on my own and in the process ended up completely overwhelmed.  Anytime we choose to do something over spending time with God to keep us  rested, strong, peaceful, and filled with His love, we will be lopsided.

Think about your lopsidedness (yes I think I just totally made that word up).  Think about the areas of your life you need to get rid of and let God into so you are able to walk the straight path the Lord has planned perfectly, just for you!

Psalm 37:4-5

Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.