Something New

Isaiah 43:18-19

“Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
“Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.

These verses have kindly interrupted my life in the last couple of months.  I was eager for God to teach me what He wanted me to learn through these words.  Being the first day of a new year it seems so appropriate to share what it is He is teaching me.

In 2014 there have been more times than I can count where I have cried out, “I cannot do this.”  There were a lot of times in the past year where I wanted to give up.  I wanted to follow the ways of the world because it was easier.  I failed a lot.  I failed so much I felt like the world’s biggest failure.  How did I get here?  In this wilderness of sin and lies.

No matter what kind of wilderness you are trying to find your way out of right now, God is there.  Making a way.  He is making a way for you to find Him.  (Jeremiah 29:14)  He is making a way for you to know Him (Psalm 46:10)  He is making a way for you to take your, “I cannot do this” and turn it into “He can.”  (Exodus 14:14)  God loves us so much so that when there was no way, He made a way for us to spend eternity with Him through the gift of His Son.  (John 14:6)

Even though I found myself in a place I wasn’t expecting to be in this past year, today I can have hope that God is making a way for me.  There is a journey to be had in this wilderness.  One where I find His hand in mine.  As I journey with God into this new year, all my heart can truly know is that He has been EVERYTHING to me and will continue to be.

It is my sincere prayer for 2015 that we would not let our circumstances keep us from perceiving the marvelous things God is doing in us, with us, through us, and for us.


Choose Wisely

I have been struggling lately.  It is hard to categorize what I have been going through for some time now as a struggle.  It seems so minor from the struggle I was faced with years ago.  Since that time in my life, the struggles I go through do not even come close to comparing to the one that tried to destroy my life.  But with that said, the little ones are almost more dangerous than the big ones.  The little ones sneak up out of nowhere–hoping not to be found.  Then you pray that short prayer, “Lord, give me your eyes to see what is keeping me from you”.  The Lord never fails, He gives you His eyes, and you can see so clearly what your little burdens are and the HUGE negative impact they are having on your peaceful life with God.

I am one of those crazy people that are beyond blessed and thankful for every struggle I go through.  I have faith and trust that when a struggle comes, God is right there with me, ready to comfort me and take on that struggle with me!

Now that I know where my struggles are and just what they look like, (Thank you Jesus for your eyes) it is time to do something about them.  I know why I am struggling.  I know what I need to do.  But, I am not doing it.  Has that ever happened to you?  You know exactly what God is asking of you, but you would rather live a mundane life than to really STAND UP, LET GO, AND LET GOD IN TO HELP YOU LIVE OUT THAT ABUNDANT LIFE HE DIED FOR YOU AND I TO HAVE.  Ugh, just watching those words go across the screen right then, is making me want to slap myself in the face until I get out of whatever kind of blur I am in right now.

I know I need God more than ever.  I know I need to be spending time alone with Him EVERY DAY in prayer and in the Bible.  I know I need His help to show me exactly where he wants my messed up self in this messed up world.  I know that He is calling me to something amazing…but I have no idea what it is.  I know that in order to hear from Him, I need to get rid of everything that is distracting me in my relationship with Him and I really really really need to just be quiet and listen for that still small voice.

Why am I not doing this?  Honestly, I do not know.  I could blame it on Satan, I could blame it on the fact that we are not perfect, but I am not one for the blame game.  I have to give myself, my entire heart, a true look in the mirror, what do I see?  Right now, I see a girl who is trying so HARD to make sure that God is most important, I see a girl who breaks for the hurting in the world, I see a girl who has SUCH a strong desire to somehow get everyone in the universe to come to know God as their personal Savior, for THEM, not for me or anyone else.  Then there is the desire to be married, to have a man who knows my messed up story, and loves me still.  Then the huge desires to write a book, share my testimony, be involved in every single volunteer opportunity my schedule will allow for.

These are all great desires, given to me by God alone—get this, BECAUSE OF STRUGGLES THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.  BUT how do I know what to do with these desires.  That is the struggle that is presenting itself into my life right now.  I know what I want, but I want what God wants.  I am complaining about not knowing or being able to hear from God, but it is all my fault, no one elses.  The blame falls solely on me.  When I decide to watch my favorite TV show (which just so happens to be Real Housewives of ANY STATE/CITY/COUNTY), when I choose to spend time with friends at dinner, when I get caught up in conversations with people, INSTEAD of turning my full attention to God for guidance: that is a problem.  There is nothing wrong with the things listed, except for the fact that I am choosing them over God.  I am not using my time wisely.

Today at church, God spoke right to my heart through one part of the sermon.  When our pastor said, “Think about the consequences before you decide what you are going to choose”.  That HIT ME!  If what you choose to do causes consequences like giving up your time with the Lord that day-THEN IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE ENOUGH—DO NOT DO IT!  If what you choose to do causes BLESSINGS on you, others, or GOD-THEN THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING!

That really helped me and changed my perspective on something.  All of the little struggles, the decisions I have to make sometimes on a moment to moment basis, should always be looked at as, are their consequences to one choice and blessing to another?  If so, the blessings should always win.  I cannot think, I have time for God after dinner, or after I turn off the TV: NO, I have time for God now, and I will choose blessings.

I am going to really need the Spirit’s help in choosing wisely.  I know He will help me, I am excited to spend more and more time with God, knowing that blessings will follow.

I pray something I said, God uses to bless YOU!

My Heart’s Song

Another Sleepless night alone, crazy from this mess we’re in

I read your texts to her on your phone

Watched you shave and dress and get out my car

Drove the city, checked my phone

Knowing you aint missing me

Imagination running hot, and you’re right where you wanna be

Do you think I’m made of stone?

Do you think it doesn’t hurt when you ignore me?

Leaving me to think the worst

And when you’re out there in her arms, then call me to be in mine

Do you think it’s all a game?

To play with my emotions all the time

Cant you see my heart is broke?

I’m just barely gettin round

Don’t know how I’m getting by

All your friends I see passing by

They know me, but the “me” you told them

They all know I’m acting stupid

And cant believe I keep going back to you

God I hate to feel so dumb

But I just cant turn loose of you

Do you think I’m made of stone?

Don’t you know my pain is real?

Its the worst I’ve ever known and it lasts even with you

What am I supposed to do when you cheat and drink your life away?

I shouldn’t go back to you I know

Wish I could ignore your call like you ignore mine

Do you think I’m made of stone?

Oh it cuts me like a knife

You have stripped me of my innocence

What am I supposed to do but wait for your call?

Do you think its just a game?

To play with my emotions like you do

Another sleepless night alone

I guess you really never cared

I wrote these words down after listening to a Dolly Parton song just four years ago.  These words truly were the song of my heart.  I was trapped in an abusive relationship and this is how I spent my days feeling.  The pain I felt behind each of these words was killing me.  Most days were worse. I will never forget the glorious day, Jesus touched my heart with a brand new song.  A song that knew no ending, one that comforted me, gave me peace, showered me with love, and saved my life!  The song God continues to sing for me every day completely covers any song I ever wrote on my own.  I do not feel alone anymore.  I know God’s embrace.  I know the song of my heart; it is GOD ALONE.  Thank you Jesus for replacing all of the words in the heartbreaking song, with words that mend my heart and bring me closer to you every day.  I love you!

Please understand that there are women every day that suffer and some even die from being stuck in abusive relationships just like I was.  I have found and believed the saving power of Jesus Christ because of such an abusive relationship.  Maybe you know someone in an abusive relationship- help, encourage, and support them in finding God’s love.  Maybe you are in an abusive relationship-please contact me for help, support, encouragement, and love.  No one can save anyone from abuse but God himself.   

Please say a prayer right now for everyone who is singing the song above.  Please pray that they will come to know God, trust HIM to free them from abuse and find the new song HE has for them:)  Prayer works, I know this firsthand.  Ask God to open your eyes to the hurting around you.  It is my desire to share God’s song of my heart with everyone.  Let that be your desire too.   

Psalm 40:2-3. 


The only One I need

I love meeting new people.  I love meeting people who “get me” or get life the way I see life.  I love when you can relate with these people on just about anything!  They have been through similar experiences, or maybe they have been through different experiences but the way they got out on the other side of all of these experiences was with God, and that is the best way to relate.  In the past 2 years the Lord has placed several of these people in my path.  All the years I thought no one would understand or no one would get what I was going through, those thoughts were shattered when I started to meet these God-given gifts.  I think I love these people for many reasons, but most of all I love them because they are all a reminder of how God is the one I can relate with anytime any place any circumstance of my life.  They remind me GOD ALONE has been where I have been and he knows every feeling, high or low that is attached with every moment of every day of my life. 

God is perfect, he did not have to ever feel pain, heartache, loss, or any negative feeling.  I guess what blows me away is that he chose to feel every awful, painful feeling you could ever imagine; for me.  He wanted to be able to relate with me.  He did this all so I could have a relationship with Him.  He sacrificed His son, so that I may live eternally in Heaven.  There are no words to describe that awesome truth so I am not even going to try. 

For so long I chose to live my life alone.  I chose to keep every awful feeling hidden deep inside.  I did not want anyone to know what I was really feeling.  I thought they would think I was crazy.  I thought they would never understand or get what I was going through.  I did not want to burden them with my problems.  I do not recall when, but there was a day that came when I realized God knew exactly how I felt.  He knew every pain I was dealing with.  He knew exactly what my problems were.  That blew me away.  It was unfathomable.  I could not believe that God of all people purposely suffered every pain I was currently going through.  I could not get over the fact that I did not have to explain how I was feeling to God, he already knew.  That realization was beyond comforting for me.  I opened up to God, telling Him everything, and I could just picture Him saying to me, while I am wrapped in His arms, “I know precious daughter, I know how you feel, you do not need to feel this way any longer, give me your hurt, and I will give you my love, peace, comfort, and grace to fill every place the hurt once was.”  

God does not want us to be burdened with pain.  God wants us to open up to Him, tell Him what we are struggling with.  He knows your struggles by name, to Him they are all called Satan.  Know that God has power over Satan, and He will take away your pain.  God loves you so much that He chose to suffer, He chose to be able to relate with you in anything you are going through in this life.  He chose to save you from Satan. 

Galations 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set you free, Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  AMEN!  Thank you Jesus for suffering, loving, knowing, restoring, guiding, and being the only one I ever need in my life.